“Sense of security, like pockets jingling…”

Growing up, my knowledge of a midlife crisis resembled the following:

1. Old guys driving fast cars
2. One of my favourite songs, “Midlife Crisis” by Faith No More
3. A state of mind for the meek

Well, I was a presumptuous young hoon when it came to point number 3 – because the concept of mid-life crisis seems to be a thing. And it scares the living shmoozies out of some people my age or thereabouts. According to Wikipedia, mid-life crises are a thing or aren’t a thing depending on the research. Whatever it is, people can engage in deep life reassessment as they near or reach middle age – something of a place marker for review, reflection and planning. Some initial questions:

1. Am I content with what I’ve done?
2. Am I content with where I’m going?
3. I really need to start thinking about retirement. WTF, retirement?!
4. Did I do enough stupid things in my pre-midlife days to feel like I’ve ‘lived’?
5. Could I have done better?
6. Will I ever stop creating lists?

I feel as though I have done plenty – so I’m okay with Q1. I reckon there was a bit of stupidity in that plenty, so Q4 is sorted. Q2 is tricky – though it’s difficult not to back the decisions made up until now. That said, Q5 is a doozy – I passed up at least 3 great career opportunities in my time so far due to indecision, misplaced loyalty and sheer naivety. A bunch of business opportunities were either ill-timed or exited too quickly – a web design business in 1996; an online accounting business in 2002; a growing consultancy business in 2006… quite a list now that I look back – so a firm ‘no’ to Q6.

Which leaves Q3. This is the one that irks. As a younger tacker I always thought people preparing for their retirement in their early 20s were boring sods living too far in the future – sacrificing the present unnecessarily and valuing thrift over experiences. That’s probably partly the case. For example, by not investing in property early (when every person and their 5 year old around me seemed to be buying up property left, right and centre, in many cases burdening themselves with heavy mortgages) I felt unencumbered and able to travel, start businesses, experiment with creative pursuits, just living for the sake of it…

Then sometime last year, this concept of ‘midlife’ became apparent. And I freaked out.

Not getting any younger. Kids will need their schooling funded. Need a house somewhere. Body is going to start doing strange things. Will the savings be enough… Need to beef up the retirement account… the words of the Faith No More song (and title of this post) ringing in my head…

So instead of buying music, gadgets, pants, or a really fast car – I started buying shares again (for the record, I actually did buy a car as well – a Volvo – very un-midlife crisissy). Week in, week out, I tracked the market and loaded up on as many shares as I could afford. I started longer-term savings plans, padded investment banker coffers through managed funds, discovered ETFs… and found this all quite interesting – even fascinating – for the first time in my life.

I remember having a so-called “Dollarmite” account when I was about 6 years old. This was the bank savings account marketed to 6 year old school kids in an attempt to teach long-term savings skills while building that bank’s brand awareness from a young age… It obviously left no lasting impression on me as far as early savings go, and as it turned out I have not banked with that bank since becoming an adult.

I needed a pesky, very real midlife crisis/stressor/place marker to ram the point home. I needed a midlife crisis to realise that midlife crises really exist in some way, shape or form. Thankfully, courtesy of this flexion point I am in a far more comfortable state of mind than I was 12 months ago.

Interestingly, the most unexpected of middle-aged people around me tend to be buying fast cars – so I can only assume that’s really a thing too. So, with the benefit of experience, I can now sum up a midlife crisis as:

1. Old guys driving fast cars
2. One of my favourite songs, “Midlife Crisis” by Faith No More
3. A complete, shock to the core wake-up call

Good night.

TL;DR: Lived and did a bit, thought the concept of a midlife crisis was BS as a youngster, then had something of a midlife crisis, made a bunch of investments and lived happily ever after.

2018 addendum: I ditched the Volvo and now drive a relatively sportier, much redder-coloured car… nothing to do with a midlife crisis though, not at all…